Journal

"Hi.

My name is Laura Clawson. "

I travel alot. Well, not a super lot. But more than your average 20 year old in school.

I recently got back from a fantastic trip in around my country, the USA, which I love.

I took a plane, a train, a bus, a car, and I thumbed a ride a few times. By the time I was home again 41 days had passed  and by the end of my trip, my suitcase and I had a mutual agreement that we wouldn't have to look at each other for a while. ( You know, one of those " I love you, but...) It was an incredible experience and one that I will remember possibly for the rest of my life.

I wrote a lot over those 41 days, filled up a whole journal, actually.
Funny thing though. I didn't take a lot of pictures. I'm a photographer, by trade. Thats what I do.
I enjoy it, its one of my hobbies, 

But, I also like other things. 

So, on this trip. I took pictures when I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to.  And, like I said before, I wrote. A lot.

I wrote about time passing, about the poetry I was memorizing and the appropriate time and place that I'll recite it. I'm currently working on some stuff by Czeslaw Milosz. He has a beautiful poem called "I" that you should probably read. Google it.

I wrote about creativity and originality. Its something that I've been struggling with lately. Are there any "new" ideas? What do you think? Whats the difference between being different and being independent?

And this one is really weird. I wrote about dogs. I'm not a huge dog fan. Which is why this is weird. 

In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis talks about animals and how the more we treat them life humans, the more human like they become. 

Perhaps this is what happens to me when I chose to follow Jesus. He treats me as redeemed. He sees me as loved, whole and complete. Thus I live more and more redeemed, more loved, more whole each day,  knowing that this is how He looks at me. So, I think its weird, but the more I see animals, good ones and poorly trained ones, the more I have a revelation about myself. I want to be fully alive. I want to be who I was supposed to be, who God created me to be. And dogs kinda reminded of that now. Its sorta weird. 

Speaking of becoming fully human and changing into someone greater, I also spent a lot of time with a lot of new people and old friends that I really want to be like. Poets and Prophets, Philosophers and Photographers, Paramedics and Professionsal Musicians .  Baristas and Baritones, Writers and Fighters,  Chefs and College Students. And  I miss them.  Very much.

I wrote a lot about the changes that were happening inside my heart, in my head. 

I wrote about the kinda person that I want to be- steady, passionate, forgiving. And I wrote about the kinda of people that I want to work with, to help. 

I climbed a tree and almost fell out. But lived to write about it. 

And More than one page was filled at the World Mandate Conference in Waco, TX, which I attended with my good friends The Lindseys. Back Row Balcony. With plenty of room for dancing. :)

One thing I appreciate about starbucks is its consistency. No matter where in nation you are. A starbucks mocha is a starbucks mocha:

 

My favorite part is when they call your name. It helps me remember who I am. No, who I really am.

I'm Laura. Thats my name.

And on the train ride home, as I wove through the backyards of my country, I wrote about the land. Summing up my trip :

" This whole season of living out of my suitcase has been such an opening experience for me. I've never felt so much like "travel" before. I've always done destination travel, you know to a certain place or for a certain reason...but never before really to just journey.

I kinda like it. Because I'm seeing the world for what it is.

I kinda hate it. Because I'm seeing the world for what it is.

1. Beautiful, hopeful. Full of meaning and significance. 

2.Wretched, failing, full of very, very lost people.

It puts me in a very interesting place...."

And now I'm home. In Minnesota. In that interesting place. Noticing that the world is entirely beautiful, yet very much broken. And my Gosh. Its COLD.

And as far as whats next? Well. To tell the truth, I don't know. I can't see that far ahead. But, don't worry. 

I'm writing it all out.

		.

8mm

Idea.
I have one.
And its coming soon.
It involves

Storyboarding

and Filming

RePost: 40 Days 40 Nights

So,
I just realized 2 things.

1.) I am on my computer way too much.

2.) Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday.


To many, Lent is a catholic word.
I know I used to think it was.

And many don't even know what Lent is or what its for or why it should effect us or anything.
I know I didn't.


Historically, I guess people have gone to mass or church or service on Ash Wednesday. A day of repentance and the marking of the beginning of Lent.

Ashes were used in the ancient days to express mourning.
Dusting oneself with ashes a way of expressing sorrow for sins and faults and failures and mess ups and all the ways and times that we have blown it.

So, on Ash Wednesday all these people would go to services, kneel at the alter and put ash on their forehead, in shape of a cross.
As a symbol of our need to repent,
and our need to be forgiven.

The priest or the pastor would say something like:

"Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return"


Usually, you would keep that cross on your head all day long, until the sun set.
Not to show yourself haughty or proud,
but rather, as a mourning for humanity.

To show the depravity of us all, apart from God.

A symbol of our need to repent,
and our need to be forgiven.

The Pastor or Priest would then say:

"Turn Away from Sin and be faithful to the gospel" and then later
"Repent, and hear the good news"

Heavy Stuff.

So, Ash Wednesday, all of Lent even, is a day, a time of putting aside the things that drag us down, away from God- and putting on something new. The Cross, a need to repent, a reason to be faithful to something bigger than our own lives.
In Hebrews it talks about laying aside all the junk that gets in the way

"let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."


Paul says something like that in Phil.
"But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, I press on, for the prize of calling of God" (par.)

Forgetting and Getting Over and Pressing On and Becoming Faithful and Hearing Good News

Those are all things that I want, that I need in my life.

Ash Wednesday and Lent and Easter-and all of life really- are about that, I think. Today is about that.

Traditionally, during lent, people give up something that they really love or want or need for the sake of purifying, simplifying their lives. Some give up chocolate. Others music, or meat. Or whatever.

I was sitting in my room this morning thinking of the things I could give up, and the things I could not give up, and what it means to give something up. Some were easier than others, funny how that works.

Here is the thing. I don't really think lent is about giving stuff up just because its holy, or a good cause or makes you look good. I think Lent, the true lent, is about clearing a space in your life- perhaps a bigger space than you wanted- so that God can fill it up. You know, taking those things that we know are unhealthy and wrong and laying them aside so we can have the better.

I think truly, I want that. I need that.

I need forgiveness and when I feel like just holding a grudge and always remembering.

I need "Getting over" - whether its over somefeelings that were hurt, or an insane crazy last year.

I need "pressing on" when I feel like giving up, when I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, when I feel like not going on.

I need "becoming faithful" when I feel unfaithful. To my family or to my faith or to my world.

I need "hearing good news" when I turn on the TV and all.I.hear. is death and hopelessness and the DOW.

So, essentially. Lent is a very much needed time in my life. And coming to think about it.
We are called to Lent everyday.
Isnt that the message of Jesus?

To love as he did? To forgive and hear and see and press on and get over and
to clear out our lives.... so He can fill it.

He will fill it.

Well done.

I Promise

"When I am silent I am listening and not abandoning."

 

New Arrivals

  

While traveling in Texas,  I had the great pleasure of shooting the Tanner kids. These are some cute kids, with good hearts too. Their eyes will draw you in and then they speak and your heart practically evaporates.
We had a lot of fun with an old suitcase that I picked up at the antique store for 10 bucks (thank you Kerri for the inspiration) and who knew!

They're charming.

For Taylor Wolf

Hi.
I made it home. It was a 27 hour train ride and had quite the invigorating experience with train seats that flip up really, really fast.

I'll post more pictures later.
But, I just wanted everyone to know.
This is my friend Taylor Wolf. 
She is brilliant.

And we went 4 wheeling and it was incredible.


ok,
thats all.
bye.

My life is a journey not always marked by photographs

Day 32 on the Road.  Longview, TX




My life is usually marked by photographs. Its like journaling to me. I record events via photograph.
This trip, though, I've barely taken 100 photographs (besides those for the wedding).

I told myself that I would be better about recording life this time. That I would be more persistent about remembering all that happened, to share my stories with others around me via visuals.
That's what I told myself.

Obviously, I'm not that great of a listener when it comes to myself, because I've not taken a lot of photographs. My cell phone has probably taken more images than my d50, which continues to retire at rapid speed.

One thing though. I journal.
Excessively.

Especially on this trip. I've filled up a almost a whole journal in the past 30 days and I'm at the far, far back of the book by now. Rationing the pages, using them for special occasions, picking my words and sentences carefully, as to not waste a line.  This time is special to me.


Why?

Because I am dependant on someone for everything.

My travel, my bed, my food, my everything. All I have is my dirty, old suitcase, and I'm even thinking of ditching that. Its such a big hassel. And its broken.

All that I have, or have gotten on this trip has been a gift from my friends, or complete strangers.

I have a choice. To be dependant on others, to accept the gifts that they give me, or to be a stiff.
And be independant. 

Not needing anyone. Not asking for help. Not putting anyone out.
Its rather selfish if you think about it.



So. I stay with friends, strangers, acquaintances on this journey. I'm learning to accept the gifts that people give, greatfully, with thanks. The more I am able to lean on them, the more I am able to see what leaning on God looks like. The more I am forced to be dependent on others the more I realize that I have nothing in myself and I have no choice but to throw myself into Jesus. Into what he is doing, and what he is all about.


And so, my journey continues.
I take what I have, and I bring it with me. Not because I can't part with it. Not because I can't live without it.
But because it develops in me, a willingness to give what I have. Especially if its all I have.

So, the cow bag makes an appearance. My bag. My Trusty  Bag. Carries my books. Still.

Its held my knowledge, my books, notes and journals since the beginning.

My books and shoes and clothes are getting worn out.
Really, really. Really.

And I'm studying. Reading, and sharpening my mind, expanding my vocabulary and increasing my heart in the knowledge of God. I love this life.



Oh. Yes. And I'm writing. A whole, whole, whole lot. 

Because I love words. I love The Word.

Jesus said he was the Word. The same from the beginning, the same in the end.
I have purposed to follow this Word, where ever he goes.
His people will be my people.

Where ever he goes, I will go.

I love to journey with Him. I love to see what He has next. I love to meet His people and hear His words.

"The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
   you hold my lot.

  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
   in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me;
   because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
   my flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
   or let your holy one see  corruption.

 You make known to me the path of life;

   in your presence there is fullness of joy;
   at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

He has made me glad.


-L