time and the things it takes with it

Its been about a year since I trekked out to Portland, Oregon to see what its like to live on the street, out of a backpack, on cheese sticks and Starbucks frapps alone.


I think its both entirely amazing and entirely annoying that the mind remembers events, random events , about a certain time or place so accurately.



Almost to the date.



You know, the snow starts melting, and spring rolls around and you are automatically transported back to a place, a time.


Smells do that too. A certain perfume, the smell of the street, cigarettes smashed up in a corner somewhere.
All of these bring back memories. And this week, I've been thinking alot about this place and these people. I was washing the dishes last night, and thought of mount Hood, out there, in the distance. I was in that semi conscience state last night, the one right before sweet slumber and strawberry came into my mind, the boy with the lined eyes.



The sound of rain or my favorite scarf wrapped so confidently around my head, proving my west cost state of mindedness.




All of these memories.
Ahhh, time and the things it takes with it.

blackout

I found this guy named Austin Kleon who is a writer who draws.
He is sweet.
And I like this one of his visual poems.

March 11th

I miss my Texas friends today.

Mud on the Eyes of my Heart

Last night I was up late thinking about seeing and looking and eyes and vision.
How they all sorta mean the same thing, but at the same time they are different.
I had a random thought, last night.
What if I went blind?
Would I still see?
Could I still take pictures? Would they look the same?

Is it possible to be a blind photographer?

Can you look and see? Without really...seeing?
Is vision possible without sight?


Is one dependent on the other?

Musings. Courtesy of a triple americano.

I have been thinking today, about somethings.
About art, and my photography and stuff like that. You know, deep stuff, -which, if you think about -isnt so entirely deep in and of its self, but somehow, in my opinion, if you think about something for a whole day or more, it kinda makes the subject deep.
whatever.

Whats the difference between doing something because you want to do it, and doing something because you were meant to do it?

What if something that you were meant to do, isn't something that you really feel like doing?

What is the difference between something you love, and something that is a hobby and something that is sorta just born right along with you. Inside you?

I've been thinking about my photography, and how if I could, I would go around the world, handing out free portraits to everyone who asked. How I would never want to charge money, because somehow, part of me think thats asking for money for art kinda defeats the purpose of art. To me at least. I know tons of people that think otherwise.
And yes, I mean, I want to put value on my work.
But, somehow, for some reason. I don't want to be paid for my art.
I want to be paid for my time, yes.
But not for my pictures.
Becuase then they become a product. And I am not a good product maker, I always mess it up bad when it comes to products.


I don't want my art to be a trend that people wear, like skinny jeans, or those super ugly leg warmer things. I don't want what I produce to be a replica, a facade of something that I can just, boom, slap a price tag on.
Yes, I need to pay my bills. Yes, I would like to have enough money where I could still identify with the "poor artist' mantra, but not quite the 'poor starving artist" one.

I need to eat and survive and stuff, but more than that...
I need to know that what I am doing is somehow making a difference, making a dent, making a change.
Does anyone else feel that?
Is that why people are so obsessed with going to college? To get a piece of paper that say, "You are now qualified to make a difference, to be a change"Hmm, I wonder.

I have a need to know that I am making a difference and I have a need to know that I am doing what I was created to do.


So, I love photography. But, I am coming to find that it isn't my passion. Its not what I was made to do. Its not what I was born for. Its not an addiction. Well, it used to be. But I am coming to find that its not anymore.

I was created to love.
And to be Loved.

By Christ,to Christ, in Christ, who, because of his great love, made him self obedient to the death even death on the cross.


That is my passion. That is what I am serious about. That is what I was created for.
and Photography?
well, I just use that, for this purpose. Like I would use a fork, for the purpose of eating. Or earphones, for the purpose of hearing.
I use a mirror with some glass in a fancy black box, for the purpose of seeing.
To help me see. To help me to learn to see.

Because I was born blind to the way things really are. And slowly, with time and age... I see. Slowly the sun breaks through. Slowly my heart becomes soft. Slowly I am being renewed.



The great thing about this is, that as the Sun is breaking and the heart is softening and the soul is renewing.... we get to be alive. And experience it and taste it and see it and take pictures of it.


God is good for giving Man eyes. And He is loving for letting us see with them.








ok, I think I am done venting.

Music makes the heart beat stronger

Lately, I've been listening to this Guy's music a lot.
His name is Alexi Murdoch and I think everyone in the world should hear his songs at least one time in their life.
He really is pretty good.

When I am alone
When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In Your love, in Your love, in Your love.

I like that.


-L

a profession? A lifestyle? a person?

Becoming Beautiful To God pt2

More images from the Conference "Becoming Beautiful to God" with Amy Vest and Loving the Lord Ministries

Breakfast

I took Bethany and Grace out to Breakfast this morning at the K-bob Cafe.
Its mostly a n old people hang out place, which meant that they all looved Grace .
Hence the whip cream.
Yum.

Goal

I am not a runner.
My whole life, I have never been good at running.
Ever. I was always the slow sluggish one.
I love swimming and biking and volleyball and tons of other sports, but running?
Nope.
Not me.

Which is why one of my goals for this year is to be in a race.
As a runner.


Today, I signed up for a 5k.
Me, the non-runner.
Running a 5k.

Sure, I mean, 5k... thats only, what, 3 something miles.
Not THAT big of a deal.

But to me, the non runner....its sorta a big thing.

So I am trying to get a bunch of people to run with me.
Not just anypeople....
but all my non-runner friends. I want them all to run with me.
So, if you are reading this, and you are a non runner.
Show up! May 25th, Lake Nikomis, Please.

And together ...we can... maybe... finish...a 3mile race.

:)