I was made to be wide-eyed all the days of my life.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Musings. Courtesy of a triple americano.

I have been thinking today, about somethings.
About art, and my photography and stuff like that. You know, deep stuff, -which, if you think about -isnt so entirely deep in and of its self, but somehow, in my opinion, if you think about something for a whole day or more, it kinda makes the subject deep.

Whats the difference between doing something because you want to do it, and doing something because you were meant to do it?

What if something that you were meant to do, isn't something that you really feel like doing?

What is the difference between something you love, and something that is a hobby and something that is sorta just born right along with you. Inside you?

I've been thinking about my photography, and how if I could, I would go around the world, handing out free portraits to everyone who asked. How I would never want to charge money, because somehow, part of me think thats asking for money for art kinda defeats the purpose of art. To me at least. I know tons of people that think otherwise.
And yes, I mean, I want to put value on my work.
But, somehow, for some reason. I don't want to be paid for my art.
I want to be paid for my time, yes.
But not for my pictures.
Becuase then they become a product. And I am not a good product maker, I always mess it up bad when it comes to products.

I don't want my art to be a trend that people wear, like skinny jeans, or those super ugly leg warmer things. I don't want what I produce to be a replica, a facade of something that I can just, boom, slap a price tag on.
Yes, I need to pay my bills. Yes, I would like to have enough money where I could still identify with the "poor artist' mantra, but not quite the 'poor starving artist" one.

I need to eat and survive and stuff, but more than that...
I need to know that what I am doing is somehow making a difference, making a dent, making a change.
Does anyone else feel that?
Is that why people are so obsessed with going to college? To get a piece of paper that say, "You are now qualified to make a difference, to be a change"Hmm, I wonder.

I have a need to know that I am making a difference and I have a need to know that I am doing what I was created to do.

So, I love photography. But, I am coming to find that it isn't my passion. Its not what I was made to do. Its not what I was born for. Its not an addiction. Well, it used to be. But I am coming to find that its not anymore.

I was created to love.
And to be Loved.

By Christ,to Christ, in Christ, who, because of his great love, made him self obedient to the death even death on the cross.

That is my passion. That is what I am serious about. That is what I was created for.
and Photography?
well, I just use that, for this purpose. Like I would use a fork, for the purpose of eating. Or earphones, for the purpose of hearing.
I use a mirror with some glass in a fancy black box, for the purpose of seeing.
To help me see. To help me to learn to see.

Because I was born blind to the way things really are. And slowly, with time and age... I see. Slowly the sun breaks through. Slowly my heart becomes soft. Slowly I am being renewed.

The great thing about this is, that as the Sun is breaking and the heart is softening and the soul is renewing.... we get to be alive. And experience it and taste it and see it and take pictures of it.

God is good for giving Man eyes. And He is loving for letting us see with them.

ok, I think I am done venting.


  1. Laura babe, wow. I'm sorry that I only *just now* got around to reading this.


    God did something like this in me in Thailand. Well, He had already done this. He just let me see what He was doing.

    He showed me that photography is not my passion. He is my passion. People are my passion. Discipleship and communication are my passion.

    Photography is simply a means of fulfilling each one of these separate, yet ineffably connected, passions.

    It's cool to see someone else with the same perspective.

    P.S.- I *love* seeing into your heart. =)

  2. Wow.
    I am way too busy.
    I need to slow down to stop and think, ponder and listen.
    I remember how wonderful those days of my single years were. Me and God.

    Treasure these days Laura.

    It will make your future rich with meaning, rich with a deep relationship with your heavenly Father.