Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I do believe after these two weeks, I have come to a new revelation about my wardrobe.
All my clothes are painting clothes.
I figure the spots and specks simply give more character to already well charactered clothes.
All that to say, this last week painted. One of the students accidentally brought swine flu in and we had to send all the students home. Health and Security, you know.
So….that being said, We had some extra time on our hands and decided to be the change we wish to see in the hotel. You know, bring some color in.
We ripped up flooring and took down wall paper and cleaned and scrubbed and swept and dusted and painted and varnished and ….lost some brain cells in the process, I do believe.
(may the smell of varnish, never your soul tarnish)
(stop and smell the varnish, appreciate your local artists)
( be the change you wish to see in the hotel)
I learned something this week, while painting. While cleaning up this old hotel.
Its very possible to make something old beautiful. It just takes work.
Its very possible to be a redeeming, refreshing source. It just takes vision.
Its very possible to love the world, and life and all there in(no matter how messed up it is).
Its just a matter of remembering.
The world is great. Really, it is.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
we long for you.
Be our strength every morning,
our salvation in time of distress."
Be my strength, everymorning.
I long for You.
Today was Rain. Kinda like yesterday, which was rain.
Oh, yeah, and the day before. Rain.
Here I sit, in the lobby of an old hotel on a mountain. Mesmerized by the fire in front of me. Listening to the laughing voices of "murder of the dark", I am sorta tired. Not by much, not much at all.
I start working on my project tomorrow. I need a think tank.
I need a big white piece of paper. To think, to write and to draw.
Speaking of writing and drawing.
Yesterday I picked up a map. A map, of the United States.
I started to think and look at all the places that I have been and all the places that I want to go. I looked at the lines, you know, the ones that separate the states, the places between You and Me.
I looked at the green parts and the blue parts. The water and the land. The steady and unsteady.
Oh, that water. That big blue water. The same kinda water that is dripping down from the gutter pouring down into the street, splishing, sploshing.
I took out a Sharpie
and wrote this on the blue part, the water, the ocean:
Just like ships, we float through each other's lives
Through the waters of beauty and grace
We will one day dock at the same port
And give rest to our weary legs
There is a light placed up in the sky
Like the stained glass, time slows down
I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream
I love the sound of my feet against these empty streets
I saw the whole town burn down
I'm walking away
Nothing stays, these feelings have wings
Our arms outstretched, we are soaring
Thursday, May 21, 2009
In the past week,
My life lately has gone alot like this:
Arrive at an intensely eclectic hotel.
Move in. Become obsessed with the doors, all over again.
-Become obsessed with the furniture.(yes, that is a lime green dresser)
-acquired a room with a view
-made some new friends and sported the red lips. Again.
-went to see the mountains
-saw the mountains
-climbed the mountains ( with some of my new friends)
-unpacked my stuff and wrote home.
-Changed my address again. (love it when that happens )
-took some classes
-Learned some basic stuff.
-Learned some not so basic stuff.
-wrote a lot. a lot. a lot. Got hand cramps.
- I did alot of new stuff in this past week.
But, I am still Laura.
Thats still me.
Thats still my name.
Laura Marie Clawson.
oh. And the best thing yet.
I got new shoes.
(yep, they are remote controls.)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Classes start in 15 minuets so this has to be short.
The mountain is in my back yard.
I climbed it today. All the way to the top. Wow, what a view.
I switched rooms. Again.
I figure becuase I am going through as a student these two weeks I should probably mingle with the other students. Or somthing like that.
I took some pictures for the first time in a long time today.
Pictures of my fingers and my toes. Because I have been thinking about them alot lately.
How I think I dont need them but I really do.
ForBalance, and Grip.
Life would be hard with out fingers and toes.
uhhh, send money?
I forgot what else to say in a letter home.
Please write. I like to close my eyes and listen to the sound of the envelope getting ripped open.
Its a good sound.
I can't think of what else to write.
Tell everyone I love them.
I'll post pictures soon.
Box 207 Osage St.
uhhh, look up the zip code.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
My name is Laura Clawson and my life seems alltogether not put together.
My name is Laura Clawson,
I am crazy.
To think that I could do this alone, or by myself.
"Our sanctification does not depend as much on changing our activities
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely,
So, I made it here alive. For the past few days I have been helping suit with staff training.
Its great. Summit is one of those places where everyone who is on staff is automatically cool.
I think it must have something to do with the whole application process or something.
Anyway. I start classroom tomorrow.
for 2 weeks.
So, you can pray for me. That I would have clarity of mind and thought and heart.
I am going to bed.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Everytime I go on a trip, I sleep over at my Grandma's house the night before.
She lives close to the airport, and ... I dont know. I guess it just happens.
Every single time.
Its kinda funny, actually.
So, here I am again, the night before I take off to a new adventure.
At my Grandma's house.
Its a good place to be. Tomorrow I leave for Manitou Springs, CO, where I will be working with SUMMIT Ministries doing some super cool stuff, I hope. I'll be out there for most of this month and next, I think.
Part of me is excited. Part of me is scared silly.
Which, probably is a good place to be. It means I am not as cool as I always thought I was....
while I am here, writing in this handy dandy little blog I am going to go ahead and post this link to the really cool theory about water and how we are affected by it.
Some of it is a little new agey... so... just skip that.
Its pretty rad.
To the mountains,
Friday, May 8, 2009
Grace is four.
Grace is my sister.
Grace, sometimes.... doesn't really make sense to me.
Today, this complex four year old and I took a trip to the park. To play, naturally.
While we were out playing, have a grand time on the swings and slides another little girl came up.
Her name was Grace too.
The other Grace was 5.
She walked right up to my Grace and gave the classic 'little-kid-on-the-playground' line:
"hi, do you want to be my friend?"
Her short little head held a little piece of pink fake hair, sweetly woven into the rest of her cherry blonde mop. I think she inspired me. Sometimes I wish I could just go up to people and say that.
"Hi, do you want to be my friend? "
My Gracie looked at her and responded : "No. I am fine"
"No, I am fine."?
My first thought was "what a little snobb! Grace! You don't say that!" Arent little kids supposed to be friendly to everyone? Play automatically? Obviously not. Such rejection! Has there been such an epic burn in the history of man?
"No, I'm fine." Ouch. And from a 4 year old.
The day continued on, and after some coaxing Grace and Grace went to go swing together.
I sat there on the picnic table, thinking about what just happened, feeling very inspired and very convicted. Couresty of the 4 year olds now swinging happily.
"Hi, do you want to be my friend?
No, I am fine"
How many times has that happened to me?
How many times have I rejected people with the whole "no, I'm fine" line? Maybe not with those words exactly, but close to it.
Today was sobering. I realized I've been rejecting a lot of people. I've been brushing over people, giving them the playground line, just because I don't feel like playing. Just because I don't feel like caring, or engaging or giving or letting go or investing or being friendly.
I was talking to my Friend about this, mulling over it, really. Thinking about rejection and how He was rejected and despised, stricken and bruised by the ones He just wanted to be friends with. By me, Laura Clawson. The Snob. The "no, I'm fine" one.
I was thinking about my life, how I go about rejecting people all the time, just like a 4 year old. Its something that comes so naturally to me, its strange. The turned down head as I pass a stranger, a glazed over glance at the cashier. I recklessly go about my day rejecting people left and right. See, my Friend told me that when I started following Him, I sorta lost the right to reject anyone. I think I forgot that.
And I am convicted. And I am sorry.
If I've rejected you in any way at all ever.
This is me saying that I am not fine. I don't have it all together. I am sorry.
I really do want to play.
do you wanna be my friend?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I have been sleeping alot.
Or, I should say... I have been wanting to sleep alot.
I think I might be getting a little bit sick, just a little.
This morning, I awoke to the pounding of my head. The most monstrous headache to ever hit Laura world.
I just want to sleep.
I lay there in my bed, head pounding literally and figuratively.
See, I've been thinking alot. About alot of things.
And there was this thought that got thought about this morning.
yesterday, I saw a rainbow.
Not like a pansy "somewhere, over the rainbow" rainbow.
Yesterday, I saw a full blown, all out, hard core rainbow.
Like a bow... of rain. (how poetic)
it slammed me in the face as I looked at it out of my window.
The window of my car, wizzing down the road at 75 miles an hour.
To an appointment that I could not be late to.
Listening to a podcast that I could not afford to not hear.
Driving in a car that I cannot afford to drive.
Going, going, going.
Fast, fast fast.
And then this bow of rain and color came smashing down from heaven, right into earth. Right into my sorry looking SAAB. Right into my go, go, go mindset of a world.
This bow of rain and color came splashing in, soaking in. Illuminating the sky with light and color and love.
I glanced and thought "oh, cool"
I kept driving. 75mph, on highway 95. Fast as ever.
Then I did a double take.
This mother rainbow spanned the whole sky.
See, here I was... thinking and going and worrying. Me, in my 75mph lifestyle.
I kept thinking I should take a picture or something, trying to justify my life in the fast lane.
" I promise"
Thats what the bow of rain whispered.
I pulled over. Please know this. If ever a rainbow talks to you. Pull over.
I pulled over. And even got out. Cars whizzing by at 75mph. I just got out and sat on my trunk and watched. A glorious show of light and color and whispers of "I promise"
See, a while back, God and I had this thing with Rainbows. And I had forgotten, until he reminded me of course. With this rainbow. This promise of a promise. Yes, that he will never flood the whole earth again. But more than that. A promise that He is strong to His word. That he is faithful.
Especially when i am not.
Especially when I am busy, running, worrying, going 75mph.
And God isnt half rainbow faithfull. No, no, no.
I liked yesterday. Because we had a moment, my Artist Friend and I.
We had a skywide moment.
I leave for Colorado in a few days.
And my mind keeps wanting to take pictures.
So, I just do it.
But, yesterday I stopped taking pictures just for a little while.
I let someone shoot me.
I know, shocking, right?
Dave Morlock is a cool guy. He has this nifty studio set up, right in his house. I didn't really wanna get my picture shot at first, but I went anyway.
It was refreshing. You know, to be a normal person again. Who didn't have to worry about editing or lighting or posing. Just smile. Thats it.
It was good to be normal again.
At least just for a little bit.
He also helped me when my car ran out of gas. So that automatically makes him go up like, 10 points. Thanks Dave. :)
Check it out:
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Today I am shaky.
With excitement and terror.
I am home. Sitting at Caribou Coffee in Minnesota.
I am home.
For 8 days.
This past month has been an absolute whirlwind. Especially today.
And that iced coldpress isn't helping at all.
I am shaky. My hands and my heart.
I am unsteady
Ah! My life.
How God is working in my very heart to bring me to Him this past month.
Oh, how I am learning that a life built on any other cornerstone but Christ is nothing but a pathetic waste of existence.
In my increasingly busy days I am learning to find him. No, stracth that. I am learning to find stuff to do, while I rest in him.
See, life is opposite.
At least my life is.
When I try to plan it, it falls. When I let go, when I give up, I am fufilled.
I do not plan my own life.
I just live it.
And Love it while I live it.
My goal is not to be a Photographer or a traveler, a barista or sophisticated in anyway.
My goal is to love Jesus. With entirely everything.
Today I am booking and journaling and financing and shooting and editing.
But,...I do not plan my own life.
because it is not mine to plan.
Remember that, Laura Clawson, your life is not yours to plan.
Ah, words! Ah Life!
There is much to be said.