Friday, May 8, 2009
The Art of Playground Talk
Grace is four.
Grace is my sister.
Grace, sometimes.... doesn't really make sense to me.
Today, this complex four year old and I took a trip to the park. To play, naturally.
While we were out playing, have a grand time on the swings and slides another little girl came up.
Her name was Grace too.
The other Grace was 5.
She walked right up to my Grace and gave the classic 'little-kid-on-the-playground' line:
"hi, do you want to be my friend?"
Her short little head held a little piece of pink fake hair, sweetly woven into the rest of her cherry blonde mop. I think she inspired me. Sometimes I wish I could just go up to people and say that.
"Hi, do you want to be my friend? "
My Gracie looked at her and responded : "No. I am fine"
"No, I am fine."?
My first thought was "what a little snobb! Grace! You don't say that!" Arent little kids supposed to be friendly to everyone? Play automatically? Obviously not. Such rejection! Has there been such an epic burn in the history of man?
"No, I'm fine." Ouch. And from a 4 year old.
The day continued on, and after some coaxing Grace and Grace went to go swing together.
I sat there on the picnic table, thinking about what just happened, feeling very inspired and very convicted. Couresty of the 4 year olds now swinging happily.
"Hi, do you want to be my friend?
No, I am fine"
How many times has that happened to me?
How many times have I rejected people with the whole "no, I'm fine" line? Maybe not with those words exactly, but close to it.
Today was sobering. I realized I've been rejecting a lot of people. I've been brushing over people, giving them the playground line, just because I don't feel like playing. Just because I don't feel like caring, or engaging or giving or letting go or investing or being friendly.
I was talking to my Friend about this, mulling over it, really. Thinking about rejection and how He was rejected and despised, stricken and bruised by the ones He just wanted to be friends with. By me, Laura Clawson. The Snob. The "no, I'm fine" one.
I was thinking about my life, how I go about rejecting people all the time, just like a 4 year old. Its something that comes so naturally to me, its strange. The turned down head as I pass a stranger, a glazed over glance at the cashier. I recklessly go about my day rejecting people left and right. See, my Friend told me that when I started following Him, I sorta lost the right to reject anyone. I think I forgot that.
And I am convicted. And I am sorry.
If I've rejected you in any way at all ever.
This is me saying that I am not fine. I don't have it all together. I am sorry.
I really do want to play.
do you wanna be my friend?