I was made to be wide-eyed all the days of my life.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I signed up to be a face painter at the "Harvest Festival" at my church tonight.
I've never done face painting before, but, I figure I'm fairly good at doing my makeup everymorning and I like to paint, so ...
why not merge the two?

So, in preperation of this, I wanted to dress up. You know, for this "Harvest Festival".
When I was little, we would always go to events like this, but my mom would never let us dress up. She didn't want us to get too into it.
So, this year, I wanted to dress up.

Like a butterfly.

I started painting on my mask, a beautiful purple, a lovely pink mask across my face, distinguishing myself as someone who has arrived, changed, not a worm any more.

While painting on my lovely face, I thought about masks, about cover ups, about growing and changing from wormhood to fluttery flight. And how
despite it all.
Lets face it. I'm totally still a worm.
I'm totally still not there.

I can put up a front, I can pretend, pretend, pretend that I've matured completed , that I can just fly away, but I'd be lying. That would be a facade. That would be a mask.

I can't live this New Life promised while wearing a mask.
I won't be able to breathe. 

I ended up wiping off my bohemian butterfly mask.
I can't pretend to be something I'm not.
(plus, my mom said I had too much eyeliner on)

Instead, I wore a hat. My favorite blue hat.
To keep my head warm while I paint the faces of little smiling kids dressed up like harry potter and ninja turtles.


1 comment:

  1. I would say you are more of a butterfly than a worm.
    A very beautiful butterfly.